A certain Arrun died some days back. No big deal. It was a sudden death though. Just the kind of death a fatal attraction brings to a moth encircling the light of a candle. It knows its fate. Still it cannot overcome the lust for light. Sometime I wonder why would I suffer the same fate. Where did the moth go wrong. All it did was love. Where did the candle go wrong. Its in its fate to burn and make light for others.Where did I go wrong.
Love according to me is not just a feeling expressed through heart and eyes. It is a sensation. I am both weakened and strengthened by it. Love is a tough test. And i am not schooled enuff to take it. I know i would fail miserably. Meet the date of the moth. Still i canyt control it. Still I cant stay away from it. Still I want that sensation to happen again. If i fall let it be falling in love.
I am a bit rusted now. Experience, deceit, stratagems and age has shown me a lot of things. Waned a lot of my skin too. It is a lot hard for me to trust people now than it was before. Still for love i gave myself away. Only to rust further. Winter has withered me. Winter has always been a harbinger of pain. And what did I do to deserve this. Perhaps my reason will fail to answer.
Life is strange. So are people. Sayin words in moments of truth are easy. To mean them in actuality is always harder. Probably i deserved a little more or should have expected a little less. And the end of it all is that I am not happy. In days when i should have been most. And still the propensity of my love is the same. The passion is same. I know i can bow down one more time. I had always. I didn’t mind it in the past nor will I now. Not in the future even. But I certainly want to know how much I am cared for.
I think i did everything to make a certain someone feel special. Love was one of those things. But now i realize I’ve failed. And this is always hard to digest.
And y am i writing this. Penning down things takes three things out of me. My pain, frustration and sometimes tears. I feel a certain lighter and calmer. The bowel feels a lot better and eyes wash out a little less.
It is in my veins to rust.
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